Alone time

One of the newest additions to our son's personality has been the (completely unpredictable) request for time alone. This is the child, may I remind you, who refused to be out of human contact for a single solitary second for the first five months of his life, who has been attached to me personally or tangentally for much of the rest of it. When I am home, he is nearby. If I am in the living room, he's on the couch. If I'm in the kitchen, he plays on the floor. When I put away laundry, he plays on the bed. I fervently believe that if it wasn't for daycare we'd have grown together, so close he wishes to be.

But today when he called out for mommy after his nap, our post-nap cuddling was ended by a request for mommy to "go to the bathroom". When this was met by confusion from a mother who didn't really need to visit the facilities, he then requested that I "go to the living room, and I stay here." 

After ascertaining that he actually wanted to be alone (incredulous as I was), I went to the living room with some amount of trepidation and some amount of delight (I hadn't actually finished the show I was watching while he napped!) and waited. No sound. I poked my head back in about 10 minutes later, to find him wrapping himself in the duvet. Not actually misbehaving or jumping on the bed, which is a favourite pastime. Just enjoying himself. Alone. 

It's times like these that I think -- Wow, he really IS my kid, given how much I value alone time, no matter how much I love my family. 

And sometimes I also think ... where is my baby? Shouldn't he be thirteen before he tells me to leave his room and wants to be alone?

This is happening at the same time as he wants to be with daddy more and more, and I get to experience that fun feeling you get when you spend a whole day with a child whose face only really lights up when daddy comes home from work. I used to be his whole world? How can this happen??

Somewhat ironic that lately I've been desperate for some time to myself. Uh, hello?? Isn't this a GOOD thing? How can I be desperate for time alone and then be sad when my child is behaving well, playing on his own? How can I wish to stop being his only centre and be a little torn when he only wants his daddy? 

They never said this in the books I read, the momentous amount of conflicting emotions that occurs as you raise a child. But I don't suppose anyone can really put it into words.