Tantrumy

This afternoon before I left work I called and ordered Thai food from our local pick up place. They don't deliver. I mentioned it to The Boy who was nonplussed ("I don't WANT Thai food") but seemed fine. We got there. I managed to find parking next to the beach which was no small feat in a crowded city on a hot summer day. We got the food. He said he wanted to sit in the restaurant and eat. I said no, we had to go home.

And then I entered the realm of insanity.

He cried. He screamed. He kicked. He flailed on the ground. He ran away from me. I ended up carting him back to the car, half a block, by his arms, shutting him in the car and locking it, and going back for the sandals he kicked off on the way. I thought to myself that I would sit in the car until he calmed down and then drive home.

But the car was filled with more screaming. Attacking of the parent. Attempts to bite, kick, claw, and then climb out of the car. Once through the sunroof. (Which I had opened in an attempt to prevent us from roasting in the sun and heat.)

He didn't calm down for half an hour, and then when I attempted to get him back into his seat, thinking he was mostly calm, there was more screaming. I had to hold him down to get him into the seat, and I didn't get him strapped in properly and he got out half way home and I just kept driving.

With my child loose in the car.

I am officially pinning on my "World's Worst Mother" badge.

Not for the tantrum. For the driving with an unsecured child. For not being in control enough to get him into the seat.

There's a part of me that's really worried about this. First the hitting at daycare, then the more aggressive behaviour with me and The Man, and now this. The anger of this child is actually scary. And it's getting worse. And it's horrible. He's been clearly more upset at home recently, clearly more prone to anger and upset, with a hair-trigger reaction to anything negative that is wearing on my patience.

And then there's part of me that realizes that he's three, and this just happens. And a single bad tantrum with some episodes of age-appropriate undesirable behaviour is hardly a behavioural problem. The fact that it's been unremarkable at daycare recently at least seems to indicate that he's getting it. I know that he's still acting up a little here and there, because if I ask they tell me, but clearly it's nothing out of the ordinary because they don't mention it unless I ask.

It's a big transition for him, from 12 kids to 24. It's overwhelming, the number of children. I'm working more, so he's been going every day instead of two days with a break and then two more days, and that's clearly hard on him. And he's not emotionally mature enough to remove himself from the other kids when he feels overwhelmed and play by himself for a little while, and so by the end of the day he's emotionally just worn out.

I guess the only real problem that remains is that I just don't know how to help him. I'm sure that I would have found full time daycare too much at his age too. And while he's a smart kid, I can only talk to him so much about taking a break from the other kids before he gets too overwhelmed -- there's such a huge difference between talking and acting, at this age, especially when the talking by me is so removed from the situation at the daycare.

I suppose that so far this evening there hasn't been a word of protest against bedtime should be a good sign. And I also suppose that this too, like every thing else in life, shall pass and get better and change.

But I sure as hell won't be getting Thai food again any time soon.