I had drinks last night in the nearby pub with a friend I've know for seven years. She and her husband have been married more than ten years, together for 15. They have two boys, 6 and 4. Last Thursday night her husband told her he was leaving. She's making a huge brunch for him today. "It's not about him," she said. "I asked the boys what they thought he wanted for Father's Day, and they said 'bacon'."
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It's my ex's birthday today. I don't know why I remember that this year of all years when it's often skipped by without a thought.
No, wait. I do. Because her email of Friday morning, her call of Friday night left me reeling -- they were such a solid couple! It couldn't happen to them! How can you make sense of a world where of all people, the couple you thought was star-crossed is coming apart at the seams?
I guess maybe it's the star-crossed thing.
I didn't sleep much Friday night. I know how much she must be hurting. I know how hard it's going to be for a while. And *I* didn't have kids.
* * * * * * *
The father of my own children is asleep in bed. I hope. My gift to him this Father's Day -- sleeping in. We don't get that much round here, after all. Ironically it's the five year old who I can't contain with quietness, the baby has been given markers and paper and is beside herself.
What can I say about the father of my children, my partner in life on Father's Day? I can say that he doesn't hide things from me like my ex. I can say he's devoted to his children and his family, unlike my friend's soon-to-be-ex. But who gives a care about comparisons. Saying "you're good because you're not like A" is a back handed compliment.
I love The Man for the days when he's just so tired and impatient but he pulls it together anyway to be patient for the kids. I love The Man for trying to maintain a sense of humour in these crazy times. I love him for putting the best he has into everything, for putting his family first. For saying "go out with her. I'm tired and I don't want to put the kids to bed, but your friend needs you."
And for being the smartest and most original person I know. For not compromising on what he believes. For making some of the most delicious meals I've ever known. For comforting me when I'm down, even on days when he needs that emotional reservoir for himself. For being one of the most fun people I know when times are good.
For being my partner in life.
For being him.
Happy Father's Day to him. Happy sleeping.
1 comment:
OMG. I'm sorry about your friend :(
Yes, I remember feeling EXACTLY like that on a particular day, during a particular phone call. And, weirdly, it was part of a pattern of relationship implosions all around us that happened over a period of about 18 months, and we started wondering, wait, is that going to be us next?!
Part of the lesson I took away from that period of feeling powerless to help my hurting friends -- who have all gone on to better relationships and/or beautiful kids and/or great career achievements -- is that nobody knows what's going on in a relationship except the people involved (and sometimes not even them), so one should bloody well stop saying to oneself, I wish X were more like Y, because for all one knows to the contrary, Y may be a lying liar who lies and/or a cheating rat-bastard.
Anyway. We made pancakes with blueberry sauce this morning, and I'm going to go write a Father's Day post now :)
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