We didn't get one last time. I had The Man, and we invited one of our close friends, who came and helped out. It was nice, even if she was horribly traumatized by it for weeks afterwards.
However, she is also one of the few people who live close enough to take care of our older child during the labour, one of the few I'd trust to have come to our home and watch our child for the day or night or whatever. And frankly -- this is how much things have changed -- I'd rather HE be comfortable than *I* be comfortable. With mommy and daddy away doing God Knows What, I'd rather he be in the company of his familiar aunt in his own home and his own bed.
But while it's possible that this birth will beat time records for quickness (the last one should have been only four hours or so; my mom had me, her second, in three -- no kidding, from contraction to baby out of body.) I definitely am not counting on that, and think that The Man could probably use a back up, especially if it does on for a while. The midwife will be there most of the time, of course, but they really are medical professionals, not birth coaches. Oh, sure, she'll coach and all, but her main concern is the medical overseeing of my birth, not The Man's emotional well being. It might be nice to have someone there to see that he eats and gets a break and I have emotional support while he does that.
But at the same time -- how the hell do I find one? Because I should soon, and it'll need to be someone that I like a lot in order to be comfortable with her while I'm in labour. And I'm nervous about picking someone from the internet; I don't really want to interview a ton of people; I don't know anyone who had one from around here who I could ask for a recommendation.
I've found myself perusing a few sites of local doulas and they all seem so chirpy and outgoing which is lovely and all but not exactly what I want for someone around my while I'm birthing. I need someone who is also an introvert and would understand that what I might really need is just to have someone around who is silent.
I suppose websites advertising services are not the best way to judge people. You can hardly expect they'd get customers if they were all dour.
Anyway. I suppose I will likely ask the midwife when I see her in a short while and see what she has to say. I mean, it would be nice to get someone that the midwife likes so that they get along during the crazy time.
Must go an negotiate with two small boys.
2 comments:
Well, I definitely wished we'd had a doula the last time. But that's me. (Didn't have a midwife, either -- definitely going that route next time, if there is a next time.) No idea how you find one, though -- I think asking the midwife sounds like a smart idea :)
I don't know how to go about finding one, but if you want to go the spiritual hippie route, put it out there to the universe that you're looking for a quiet (or whatever) doula and then let her come to you. Heck, maybe it'll be via your midwife who will know the perfect calm, quiet, soothing doula!
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