Write, write, and write some more

I had coffee with a work colleague the other day. It was her birthday so I stopped by work -- not the office, but the little cafe nearby. It was good to see her, but a reminder of what I'm due back to in just less than four months. Yes, sure, it's a long time from now, but in most ways just not nearly long enough.

I miss work. I guess. I miss writing. Yeah, I could do it at home, but not with The Boy here because every minute or so there's a "Mom guess what?!" from his corner and the constant interruptions don't make for coherent thoughts. The Girl can be self-sufficient, but it's rare and the times are short, and it's not always easy -- as I'm doing now -- to sit down and force up a topic when she happens to have ten minutes that she's content to be alone..

Truth be told what I do now for a living isn't terribly inspiring. It's well paid, it's relatively interesting, my colleagues are great and there are significant perks -- benefits, childcare, pension plan, flexibility -- which make it a very good place to be. Why am I complaining? Mostly because I get up in the morning and think, "I get to go to work." and the statement is purely ambivalent. I really want to wake up in the morning and think, "I get to go to work!!"

And I don't.

I don't know precisely what will give me that feeling. I'm 37 and still working it out. And frankly with two kids under five and a husband who works long hours and a home to take care of, I don't really have the energy to devote to it right now. And I'm fine with that. I am. But the fact is that I promised myself that once I finished having kids that I'd go back and think about it. Eventually. And going back to work in May is the beginning of that promise.

A promise that has me doing something that makes me want to leap out of bed when I'm 40.

Or 41. But somewhere there. I'd like my working life in my 40s to be fun.


And maybe I can find it at this job I'm in now. I know the position and the office are going to change and morph and become something new, just as it has done since I started. And I know that maybe there'll be something interesting there for me.

Or maybe it'll be something else entirely.

But either way, despite this post, I just don't really want to take that on for a while yet.

I think I'd rather go play cars with my daughter.