I don't know where this is coming from -- he's been angrier at home too, hitting both his parents over the weekend for one reason or another. We don't spank, and we let him know in no uncertain terms that hitting is not acceptable but ... I feel like both a failure as a parent and a pariah at the daycare. Who will be friends with The Hitter and his mother? And yes, I'm totally overreacting because it's not THAT bad. Many kids, at one time or another, hit other children and it's nothing more than a developmental stage and they don't grow up to be serial killers. Many parents have been That Parent, the mother of the One Who Hits.
But GAH. Can't this be easy??! What happened to my perfect child??!
I know, I know. He never existed, he was never perfect. He was just only ever himself, and right now himself is having a bit of a struggle finding where the boundaries are in a social situation. And it's just one day.
3 comments:
Let me send you some sympathy, as the mother of The Hitter (for a month or so) myself. It passed, but I fully anticipate it happening again, to be honest. And there's never been any hitting in our house, or tolerance of it -- but he still hits me from time to time. And gets really angry sometimes. In fact, he threw his bottle at me this morning (and damn, he has an accurate arm!) because I wouldn't let him watch tv before daycare (we were late). Frankly, it's a totally normal response, to hit other people when you're mad. It's not like a child DOESN'T have that reaction, and then we train it in -- he DOES have that instinct, and we train it out. So if he hasn't ever really acted this way in the past, hten there hasn't been a chance to train it out of him, except in an abstract way -- and that really isn't, deep down, meaningful to a toddler, however bright and considerate and lovely he is.
Also, *hugs*.
(ps. verification word: facceraw. "Face raw?" bizzare...)
::hugs and sympathy::
A month or two ago mine was involved in (in fact, was the instigator of) repeated incidents of maliciously and capriciously excluding other kids from group games at child care, and I felt like the worst. mommy. ever. when I found out about this. When I really sat down and examined my feelings about the situation, I realized that a big part of my dismay was coming from a place that made no sense: I was socially bullied at school, and some irrational part of my brain was wringing its hands and going How could she do something just like the things the mean kids used to do to me when I was her age?! Which is so absurd on so many levels, really. (What happened: one of the daycare teachers staged an intervention, the other kids all told SP how they felt when she was mean to them, she and DH and I had a talk, and it hasn't happened again. But still.)
So, the thing is: little kids hit. As Aven says, it's a thing they do and have to be taught not to do, not the other way round (although my personal opinion is that spanking kids can't possibly help matters, I'm not sure there's any good empirical research on that). They all do it from time to time, and (again IMO) the time to start worrying is after ... well, more than one day.
And the other thing: three-year-olds are tough to parent. Seriously, I do not at all comprehend how this thing about the "terrible twos" got started, because three-year-olds are so much worse. Eventually, B"H, they grow out of being three.
And a third thing: it's sometimes really, really hard for adults to figure out what precisely is bugging little kids. Even smart and articulate little kids who can explain themselves relatively well (if they want to...).
All of which is not to say you shouldn't wonder whether something is amiss at daycare, or do some investigating, or perhaps invest in some extra hugging time or try an earlier bedtime or whatever ... just that it's probably too soon to feel like Canada's Worst Mom ;^).
Hugs. You know it's just a phase. Even smart three year olds are still three years olds.
My friend has a beautiful, friendly, popular, well-behaved, intelligent, bubbly seven-year-old daughter. When she was three my friend was horrified when she turned into 'the biter' at nursery school. For no reason, nothing had happened and she and her partner had done nothing wrong. It stopped and my friend is still friends with many of the parents she met at that time.
And, you know he's three and you're good parents because you want to teach him (and will teach him) that it isn't ok. I had to talk to a mother the other day because her nine year old boy was hitting children in class. Although she eventually excepted that this was wrong, she told me that the father was a soldier and she was very ambitious so it was part of his personality....(!)
Post a Comment