Hungry

When my son was nine months old, I took him to the doctor. I was panicked. Worried. Confused. "He won't eat!!" I exclaimed. "nothing! Just breastmilk!"

The doctor paused, as if waiting for me to state the actual problem.

"He won't eat! He spits everything out! Or gags! He's nine months old! Shouldn't he be eating by now? I've been trying for three months!"

The doctor said ... "is he healthy? Is he growing?" When the answer was yes, she merely shrugged. "Some babies don't eat at six months. Some take longer. He's fine."

And indeed he was fine. And still is, and in fact is a good eater by preschooler standards. But he didn't willingly ingest solid food until he was 10 months old, and didn't get significant calories from solid food until a year old. He was over 20 pounds by that point. Heck he was 19 pounds at 4 months. Nine months in I would eat brownies every day and still lose weight which sounds like bliss until you are faced with the reality of trying desperately to nourish yourself as your body struggles to satisfy the relentless hunger of a growing baby. The constant constant hunger. The tiredness. The inability to do anything without the baby because he / she will not eat anything and I cannot pump.

My daughter is now staring down seven months old. Despite a promising start -- showing interest in food as I ate, wanting to touch it, making chewing motions -- she too has rejected all attempts to introduce other foods. This weekend after a molecule of avocado went in her mouth without her grimacing, I attempted less than half a babyspoonful and she then gagged so much I had to seize her from her highchair ... And then the gagging made her vomit all over the floor. Spectacularly.

Unsurprisingly, despite the fact that my daughter is far smaller than my son, I found myself this weekend in the kitchen eating cookies / yogurt / crackers mounded with hummus / apples by the fistful. I've even (gross!!) been eating Nutella by the spoonful which is not only gross but puzzling given normally I hate Nutella (yes I realize that's weird).

It seems altogether likely that March will roll around before she deigns to let the tempting morsels I lovingly prepare for her cross her lips, and the next three months may well be a fury of gobbling on my part. It's fine. I knew this was possible, even likely. And being able to eat ANYTHING is a delight I admit. And how else will I get my work wardrobe to fit again?

But man. It sucks to lie in bed two hours after dinner with a growling stomach, thinking only of what I get to eat next. I'm SO HUNGRY!!!