Domo Arigato

I went to my sister's with my family yesterday for the last hurrah of the season. I always, I realize, go to my sister's with a deep feeling of inadequacy and with walls built up. A lack of self-confidence. My sister is blond, tiny, with a huge house in the suburbs and two blond boys. She has a good job. She is in shape, and her house is always immaculate. She is always the hostess, she always has what's needed. She never co-slept or indulged her children. They were left to fuss, and now when I don't swoop in and rescue my daughter when she starts, they rib me and tell me it's "about time" that I ... I don't know ... learned to be a better parent, or something.

In contrast, I sit here in a house that's a perpetual mess. I hate it, and sometimes harbour fantasies of my house burning down just so I can re-furnish and get rid of all the crap I own. I try to clean and de-clutter but the fact is that I own way too much stuff for such a tiny place. And I have two kids, and I don't want them to be clean all the time. They live here too. And I like co-sleeping, and responding to my children, because I think it's good for them to develop good attachment and healthy emotional well being. And I think it's more important to spend time with them, and on keeping myself healthy than it is to ensure the house is clean. I read something this holiday that I think I need to print and put on my fridge:

You can neglect the house for 20 years and it'll take a week or two to sort out. Neglect your children for a couple weeks and it could take 20 years to sort out.

Is it hyperbole? Yes. Is there some truth in it? I definitely believe so.

This morning we were all in pajamas. The house is worse than usual post-Christmas and post-holiday. We're expecting guests at 10. But we spent the morning making lego robots and then The Man put on "Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto" and we all danced wildly around the living room with our little robots.

The looks on my children's faces was the best thing I think I've ever seen.

We then cleaned up a bit. But it's no House and Gardens home even so.

And house bedamned, I think my life will be more truly successful if I try my best to make sure my kids have those kinds of expressions of pure joy and delight more often.