Every thing about parenting, especially mothering, is a divisive issue. Go to any parenting site, and you will see. I read a few of them. Babble. The Stir. And the more I read the sadder I get. When I first happened upon parenting sites, I was thrilled. Tips! Recipes! Advice! News! It's great! But most of all? Support. Support for parents who all have to make difficult choices in the breast vs bottle, sleep training vs co-sleeping, working vs being at home etc. etc. etc. I tell you, almost five years into mothering, the support of an understanding mother who is going through what you are is invaluable.
I do have it, in some ways. Mom friends who I chat with IRL. But between work and parenting and lives, it's hard to get together with people IRL, and sometimes you need an answer -- or a listening ear -- right now.
Lately however all I've been finding online is division. And it's been making me sad. Each site is becoming more and more a personal blog rather than an information one, with certain bloggers raising inflaming issues without a new perspective, but rather to seemingly fuel the fires of discord. And I finally snapped this morning and wrote something rude, like a troll, in a comment, which I've never done before. And I got flamed in return, probably deservedly so. And I so, so much wanted to write back.
I didn't. I took a deep breath and walked away. And I'm thinking now that I can't remember the last time I found something truly useful and informative on those sites. And wondering if perhaps my time can't be better spent. And thinking that maybe I'm better off just spending my last two months with my children instead of reading about parenting.
And maybe at some point I need to nurture the side of me that isn't a parent.
So I'm pulling the plug. I've deleted the sites from my bookmarks, I need to step back and take a break and consider if I'm getting value from them or not. I don't want to be that woman.
I just want to find a community, you know? A community of support despite differences. A place to go where I can find good information, read about issues I care about. It shouldn't be so hard to find. But it is.
3 comments:
Funny, I've been going through my reader and deleting blogs left and right. I only want to read the ones of people I care about and people who inspire me.
I also had to stop reading the New York Times every day. It upset me and made me so angry that I realized it wasn't worth it. So, I know what you mean about pulling the plug!
Hugs.
It does get easier as your kids get older, I've found. People stop focusing so obsessively on things like nursing vs. bottle feeding and crib vs. co-sleeping and CIO vs. not, at exactly how many weeks you started feeding solids, at exactly how many months/pounds/inches you turned the carseat around, etc.
Of course, there are still people on the Interwebz (and IRL, too, alas) telling you that if you let your kid walk home from school on her own or send her to the corner store for a bag of milk you're just ASKING for her to be kidnapped by a paedophile, or giving you the hairy eyeball because your kid, age seven, is only just learning to swim or because you let her spend two hours in her room making a limo for her stuffed animals out of a cardboard box instead of doing something "educational" or because you let her play on the computer or because you don't or because ...
The mommy wars remain, IOW. But somehow the strike forces seem less vehement now than they did when the burning issues in my life were Where Does The Baby Sleep? and What Does The Baby Eat?
I also now tend to hang out with moms whose kids are in elementary school and older (and some of my friends have four or more kids), instead of with moms who have just had their first baby and are freaking out about EVERYTHING ... as I did myself back then. I think we're all a little more laid back than we used to be. At least, I truly hope I am :P
Hey there! I just wanted to say hello -- it's been a while! I've been reading blogs on my ipod for a while, and for some reason the feeder wasn't updating your feed until a few days ago, so I missed the last couple of months. I've just caught up, though. Now, though, of course, my 4-month old is screaming at me, so I must go. I will try to be by more often, though, to keep up to date! Glad everyone seems to be well. xx
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