Skinny

My son was born three weeks early, to the day. Thirty-seven weeks and almost 8 pounds. He doubled his birth weight in three months, weighing in at 19 pounds at four months. He was a baby full of rolls.

Like many EBF babies, his growth slowed remarkably at 6 months. He went from the 99th percentile to the 60th, for both height and weight, over the next six months. And at his last doctor's appointment a year ago he measured in at 50th for weight and 75th for height. My formerly chubby baby has become a long and lean boy, all traces of baby fat gone, his body entirely little boy muscle. His ribs show, his little tummy flat, his thighs no wider than his knees.

He's like me, that way. Pictures of my four year old self all show my clothes hanging from bony shoulders, perched precariously on tiny hips. I remained that way until after I graduated high school.

But unlike me at that age he's already internalized society's ban on fat. "I'm glad I'm thin," he says. "I wouldn't want to be fat." He asks his dad about his dad's own weight gain, which isn't that much. He tells me that it's good that part of me (my waist) is skinny.

I'm partly to blame. As I noticed he was getting thinner I commented, concerned. "eat your dinner! You're getting so thin!" I think now I should have left off commenting at all, even out of concern. He's not ill, it doesn't matter.

Still.

Fact still remains that I look at my skinny son, hear his own judgement, and look at my daughter. If he's internalized this by four, what hope does she have of escaping the body image war? What hope do I have of encouraging a healthy body image in her?