It was a surprise to me, the superhero thing. The rough physicality of boy-ness. My son was a pretty calm baby who liked to read books and sit quietly playing with toys and when shortly after his third birthday superheroes hit us like a ton of bricks and haven't gone away I admit I was at first amused and then somewhat alarmed. The guns, the power struggles, the shooting of trees out the window of the car, the desire to roughhouse -- as a girl growing up with a single sister and no close neighborhood boys -- and even no close friends with brothers -- this was a complete surprise.
Eighteen months later, I still don't get it, don't understand it, and cringe when he wants to play good guy / bad guy games. But I'm trying my best to get it, at least. I read about this, about this development stage for boys, and I am at least convinced in theory that this is a.) normal b.) healthy and c.) won't lead to sociopathic / criminal behaviours later in life. The problem that I see now is one I've seen a lot of write-up about: female teachers at the primary levels that don't understand little boys.
We already have one teacher at daycare who tells me, in a concerned voice, when The Boy has been acting out some violent fantasy. And then she asks, in a concerned, lowered tone ... "He doesn't play ... video games ... does he?" Because they are the root of all evil. To be perfectly honest I think some video games are better for a child than TV, because my kid will interact with video games and even (gasp!) think when playing them, rather than turn into the slack-jawed vegetable state he gets into with TV shows. And it's not like I'm letting him play Doom or anything. He plays age-appropriate games.
(And to be fair the woman who runs the place seems to think that he's delightful and has never once mentioned to me that she thinks The Boy's play is out of the range of normal. And she's been in ECE for over 20 years, and has a son of her own, so I trust her judgement more than the teacher who has been there two years, and hasn't any kids of her own.)
But I believe the stories about female teachers not understanding boys, because I'm the mother of one and *I* don't understand it. I want to let it go, I want to learn about it, because it's important to my son. I don't want to hinder this part of him, to squash his likes and dislikes and his exploration of the world. But I am afraid that someone else will.
It's ironic, isn't it, this motherhood thing? I might not like it, I might not understand it, but I will come out swinging and defend him should anyone else suggest it might be bad. He is who he is, and I will love and defend him forever and a day.
And drive all over town for Iron Man costumes.
1 comment:
... or you could have a cute little girl who wants her dad to teach her Mixed Martial Arts moves, dresses up as a superhero for Halloween, and when you come to pick her up from school can often be found wrestling with boys. You know, when she's not trading Silly Bandz or playing Barbies or marrying off her Webkinz to her friends Webkinz, irrespective of species.
You just never know ;^)
I do think it's true about the elementary teachers not understanding boys. We have mostly been lucky with teachers, but SP's grade 1 teacher -- the only one so far who has been perfectly professional, but not ... enthusiastic about SP -- was this very prim, rather rigid woman who just could. not. handle it. when kids bounced up and down or wandered around the room or fidgeted endlessly or any of the many things that little kids, and especially boys, do a lot of when they're cooped up in a classroom. And even with the great, very understanding teachers she's had in other years, we hear a lot about this and that boy getting in trouble ... it's rarely the girls we hear about. (Though, to be fair, last year's class consisted of 8 girls and 13 boys, so the odds were stacked to begin with.)
I don't know if female teacher vs. boy is the only factor at work, though. It strikes me that the increasing emphasis on ever more "academic" work (i.e., less playing) in ever younger grades has a lot to do with it, too.
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