The resilience of children

Yesterday's weepy moment on behalf of The Boy brought up for a lot of self-doubt -- about my choice to work, my childrearing, and whether I chose the right centre. After all, we'd had a choice, and one that was good and that The Boy said he preferred and I went with my own gut and Dear God what if I was wrong???!! AIIIEEEEEE!

(Please note that while I sound like a complete basketcase on this blog, these are things that ran through my mind for a while until I chatted with The Man about other things and read a few blogs and started back on my book and completely forgot about it. I'm neurotic, I admit, but not so much so that I was up all night biting my nails over this.)

So I talked to The Boy again this morning about the daycare situation, and we talked about what would happen, and he seemed calm and accepting and fine about it all. We arrived, unloaded our things into our cubby, and he peeked into the main room. And in we walked, and he found something he liked to play with. And then I chatted with the teachers, and suddenly noticed I had no idea where he was. 

He hadn't, as some other children might have, taken off to play with the group. He'd moved over another table to play with something new, on his own, but he sure was having fun. And I went over and played a bit and said "Mummy has to go soon." which provoked no adverse response, so a few moments later I said "I need to go, do you want to go to the goodbye window or say bye here?" 

I expected tears.

What I got was a "bye!" and a kiss and a kid who kept on playing. So I left. 

When I arrived back there at noon, he was seated at the lunch table ready for lunch. Which I hadn't made for him, assuming I'd be back before then. Luckily I came prepared with a sandwich, which I handed over, and he happily sat there with his new friends and ate. And half an hour later when lunch was over, I asked if he wanted to go home, he said ....

"No."

Two other kids, who've taken it upon themselves to take him under their wing, both asked me if he would be staying for quiet / nap time, and seemed obviously disappointed when I said no.

I almost had to drag him out of the place with bribes of mommy's new office with the chair that turns! and treats at the grocery store! and shows!

You could say it went well.

This centre, with 25 children, I thought would be very overwhelming. It is overwhelming enough for me. It's a little like starting a new job -- it takes a while to meet everyone and get used to the place and figure out how it all works. And it's not surprising it takes a while for him too.

One of my colleagues has a son who attends another preschool centre in the same complex, and she tells me that when he started, the other kids weren't very friendly. They didn't always let her son play with them, and said things like "You're not our friend, you can't play here / with that toy / with us." As kids sometimes do. And I was not at all looking forward to going there and watching my wee one's face as his peers pushed him out of the welcoming circle.

But here's where I know I made the right choice: this centre focusses the children on friendliness. On helping each other. On the concept that everyone is there to play, so no one is ever excluded. And it has obviously paid off in spades, because the children are welcoming and kind. They don't all seek him out, but no one excludes him. Two or more kids have taken him in, and are keen to show The Boy the cubby spots and the lunch spots and how things work, and it makes my heart swell to see how welcome he is, how caring they are and how well he is doing. And it's not just because he's happy; it's also because I love the fact that his new friends are so nice, and hopefully, when he's not the new kid any more, he will take good care of the next new kid. These kinds of skills -- kindness to strangers. inclusion. friendliness. welcoming. -- these are so great to have, and I'm thrilled he's at a place where he might pick them up. 

There's no telling how tomorrow will go. Maybe the other kids will be bored with teaching the new kid. Maybe he will cry and want to go home. Maybe it will be even better than today. Who can tell? But today? Today was great.