Yesterday, my colleague sat in my office and wept

It was her last day, before her parental leave. She and her wife have finally managed to finalize an adoption, and they are leaving today to bring home their two babies. Or rather, one baby and a preschooler. She had come to my office to a meeting, to finish off a few files, and we ended up -- as one does -- speaking of the children and how wonderful this was and how excited she was. 

She didn't cry because of finally creating the family she had always dreamed of (although she and I both have shared some mutually sappy moments over that)

She didn't cry because she was leaving work and was scared.

She didn't cry because we had given her presents.

She didn't cry because she was so happy.

....

She cried because we were going to her baby shower. Because we had given her a baby shower, just like we had given everyone else who had had a baby a baby shower over the past few years (although I missed mine, with a baby who came three freaking weeks early. They sent me photos of them eating my cake instead.)

She cried because it was so normal and so accepting, and remembered back to when they had gotten married and we'd given them a card and a present, and now that they were having a family we got them gift baskets and organized a shower party and it was just so normal.

It makes me want to cry to think about the things she has gone through that she feels like this is a real accomplishment, being treated like a real human being. I cannot even fathom not giving her a baby shower, it would feel so insulting and so mean and so wrong.

I lead a very sheltered life, I do. I grew up in a nice suburban household to parents who are still married to each other, in a nice neighborhood in a nice town. Now I live in a nice part of town with my partner and my child and I drive a reasonable car to a good job. I've had my share of heartache -- see: yesterday's post -- but I realize that getting a divorce from a guy I loved and trusted is really small potatoes in this crazy world. I can't even fathom what she's been through that this is such a big deal.

I hope when The Boy is an adult, lesbians who have families won't cry because they are given babyshowers; it will be a normal reaction to a new part of one's life, a mere celebration of a family's expansion.

And frankly, while I'm on my wish list, I also hope that when The Boy is an adult, that if he and his partner have a child, that maybe his work colleagues will give HIM a babyshower, because we really don't pay much attention to fathers and how their lives change when babies arrive -- we only really celebrate the mom (and as someone who carried a child, let me just say -- this is something worth celebrating!) but men become dads too, and this is something worth recognizing, celebrating, and acknowledging. If only for the usual "heh you'll never sleep again" comments.