Daycare, Day Ten

Daycare is doing wonders for my child's receptive language skills. Any mention of the words "mama", "go", or "bye-bye" garner an instant response from her. Need I include the word "negative" in that sentence?

She can also now wail "mama!" very loudly. While crying.

Sigh.

From all reports, though, she spends her day exploring and eating and playing and there's nary a tear in sight. She's happy to see me when I get back. I keep saying this over and over in the hopes that it will reassure me that this is ok, that she is ok.

That *I'm* ok.

I know that The Boy went through this. I know that The Boy is ok. I know that he's thriving, he's got excellent social skills and is outgoing and confident. I know this. I also know he's a different child, and that he's different than me, and that little girl me probably would have had a different experience. A more negative one. I can't project this on my daughter, that's not fair. But I fear it, all the same.

And I also know that someone who worries this much about her children, who sacrifices over and over and tries always to put her children first, probably has nothing to worry about. My kids have it better than 90% of the world's population. And if they grow up and resent me for daycare and can't see that they were born into immense luxury by world standards, well ... there's not much I can do about that, except to try and gently point that out while they are growing up. Without, you know, exposing them to the plight of starving children and making them feel guilty about having enough to eat.

The Girl has become more and more clingy the past weeks, to the point where if there's a choice between me and her father -- her otherwise beloved father -- she will become hysterical until I take her. This weekend the in-laws arrive, and I will spend much of my day reassuring my MIL that no, the baby doesn't hate you. But you can't hold her, or play with her, or touch her without her reacting negatively, because she is afraid that you too will take her away from mama.

It will be a trial.

This is all a trial. But if my daughter can't learn to weather trials without coming out stronger, better, and more able to cope, then I'm not doing my job as a parent.