Because of how the system works, when The Boy came of age (three) there were no immediate spots, so he's been at his toddler centre, and will be for another six weeks or so. I anticipated that when spots came up, there would be one or maybe two, and I would not have much choice. I did some homework, and was told by several independent sources that A daycare and B daycare are the best of the bunch. I visited both, and thought -- yeah, these are fine. But to be honest, I can't quite get my head around my little guy going to one of these bigger centres with twice as many kids and fewer adults and big kids -- actual five year olds!
Anyway, my point was merely that I thought I would be merely slotted into a spot. We have one spot, licensing says we have to move your kid, ergo this spot? It's yours.
Turns out? That there is premium spot at both centre A AND centre B. Best of both worlds! Amazing choices! An array of riches!
And I could not be more paralyzed with choice stress.
I prefer centre B, for several reasons. I know the staff there better, and I like them. The staff at centre A are great, but the head person is going on mat leave soon, which will bring an unknown person to lead the centre. Centre B has lots of The Boy's friends from his previous daycare (although there is one kid there he Does Not Like). He doesn't know many kids at centre A. I don't know anyone.
The problem? The Boy has a marked and unstinting adamancy for centre A. "I want to go to centre A" he says. "I want centre A to be my big kid daycare." and "I don't like centre B, I don't want to go there."
And nothing I can say will change his mind.
My father says, with a snort of derision, that I am the parent and I need to just decide and tell him how it is going to be. And I would do that, were we choosing between Ye Old Centre of Torture and Ye Old CEntre of Sunshine and Roses. But we're not. We're choosing between two excellent centres, one of which has an unknown factor which bugs me. And that's it. If it were up to me, I'd go with the known.
And part of me thinks -- he's three. In a week, he'll be whining about how he wants to go to centre B and how centre A is the root of all evil. Why listen? What does it matter? He'll get over it anyway.
And then I suppose it comes down to ... what kind of parent do I want to be? I have spent a fair amount of time ignoring my instincts, and have paid for it, and the last thing I want to do is negate my child's wishes. When it comes down to six of one and a half dozen of the other -- since really, without the unknown staffing, there's nothing much to choose between the centres -- why not let him have his choice? What possible difference can it make? And maybe this will be a good lesson in choices. Yes he can have what he wants, but then he has to live with the consequences. He can own this choice; he can have this choice. Neither choice is a bad one, neither is going to harm him irreparably.
In the end, it's pretty insane. When we were first told of spots, the only option was centre A, and I was fine with it. I just went with it. It's a good place, and although there's a staffing issue, well, in all likelihood it'll be sorted out well. All the staff changes that we've had in the last while at the old daycare have been great. Some for the better, even. There is no real choice -- they are both great, and he will be fine either way.
I hope.
2 comments:
For what it's worth... I agree with your father.
3 year olds live their lives on whims. They want a peanut butter sandwich this minute, but the next, it is sushi. Had I have listened to my boy last night, I would have gone all the way to store A (popcorn) only to find he really wanted something from store B (donut). I'm glad I just went with the store that was down the street...
You are the parent. You make the decisions. There will be a time for decisions based on consultations. Now is not that time.
One thing I've learned from being a parent and also a teacher: the adults need to be the ones who make the important choices. I've seen what happens when parents allow the kids to do the deciding. (Mind you, I am talking about much older kids.)
But heck, you can always flip a coin. :D
I think I agree with JS -- basically. In the big decisions, where there are multiple factors that a child couldn't possibly consider, you need to make the choice, of course. But I understand your point -- the choice is big, yes, but between two good options, so why not go with his whim? But, even if they're both good options, if you have a preference, I think your understanding of the situation is so much more sophisticated than his, that you'd be smart to go with your preference. [full disclosure -- I've already read the latest post, so I know what you decided! ;)]
In my own life, I'm in fact pretty open to letting E make his own choices on a lot of things -- as long as I've had some control over the options from which he's choosing; and when he doesn't get a choice, or I overrule him, I try to tell him why. And though he's only 2.5 years old, I think he does appreciate the fact that he has real input into our decisions; not all the time, it's not like he's running everything (though goodness knows the world does, indeed, revolve around him!) but when I offer him a choice, or ask in a more open-ended way what he wants to do, he believes that I will, actually, listen to him and quite possibly do what he suggests. On a possibly related topic, he's not really been very bad about tantrums or getting really frustrated about things. Yet. (And I'm fully aware that this might just be because I'm darn lucky... :)
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