Smelling like home

The only thing I like doing in the kitchen is baking. Which means that basically it's the only kitchen thing I'm any good at, because it's the only thing I practice. I'm not saying that I'm any kind of virtuoso, but I like doing it and I like eating what I make, so I guess it's pretty yummy.

So figuring out that gluten is the root of all evil in my like has been rather a blow. Yes, there are lots of gluten-free things available in the city, but they aren't universally yummy; some of them are downright awful. And most of the rest are rice-based, which is fine but has a certain texture that isn't conducive to all baked goods.

And the mixes that you can find to bake yourself are very hit and miss; some of them so dry and white-rice based that they taste a lot like sawdust, and some that we made and literally couldn't eat. We have found a few that are ok, but there's always something lacking -- too full of white flour, too sweet, too dry. For someone who baked almost exclusively with whole wheat flour, it's hard to go back to eating empty carbs; I just don't see the point of ingesting something that gives me little to no food value.

There are lots of recipes on line, of course, but they can roughly be divided into the ones that use flour mixes, and thus are mediocre, and the ones who carefully parcel out the weird and wonderful exotic flours, like sorghum, quinoa, and teff. All of which I can find in Vancouver, but I am loathe to buy because they are expensive, and my luck with the pre-baked goods, baking mixes, and other recipes has been so hit and miss -- and mostly miss.

(Having said that, the idea of baking with quinoa and teff is rather exciting to me, because quinoa is a grain that is actually, from my reading, healthier than wheat. And since I kind of like my baked goods to have some kind of food value, I like the idea of eating something that gives me good protein and amino acids, and yet tastes like a treat.)

But I can't live without baking. I can't live without the carbs, and I thought to myself -- if I'm going to avoid gluten the rest of my life, I can't live like this. I miss it too much, I miss the baking itself, I miss the creation in the kitchen, and I miss, miss, miss yummy baked goods. I can't just eat mediocre mixes the rest of my life. And there are some pretty amazing-looking baked goods out there, and people who swear by the yumminess thereof, and .... well, in the end, what have I got to lose? I might lose some money, and some time, but what I might gain is my baking back again.

This was further encouraged by my finding, at the local store, a gingerbread loaf made by the local rice bakery. I was entranced. My mother made gingerbread cake when I was a child, and I loved it. And the instant I saw it, I thought, I must have that. And I looked forward to it all the way home, the rest of the day, and that evening, I cut into it, scooped out the first piece ...

And literally couldn't eat it.

I did kind of shrug it off; well, that sucks. Another thing I'm just going to have to miss. But then by complete chance I navigated my way back to a blog I'd been to before but didn't go to very often, and she had, as her most recent post: gingerbread cake.

It was a sign.

So I dug into the recipe, and put the wide array of strange flours on the shopping list, and when The Man came home with the groceries, I measured and counted and sifted and mixed my way into home made gluten free gingerbread cake.

I unfortunately can't end this post by telling you how wonderful it is: it's only just out of the oven, and too hot to eat. Moreover, The Man is making something Wonderful for dinner, and I don't want to spoil my appetite.

But the house smells like childhood and Christmas and home baking, and that in and of itself is a wonderful way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I have hope that one day I will just get used to sifting together quinoa and sorghum flour into a beautiful baked item. And I will love it again.

(Either that or that my body will decide that I am not allergic to gluten after all, which naturopathy and even conventional medicine tells me is not an impossibility, and I will just start baking with wheat again.)

But I will try to remember to update later and hopefully will then tell you all then that spending $15 on a small bag of quinoa flour wasn't a colossal mistake.