Pregnancy Thoughts

The last time I was pregnant, I remember marvelling at the wonder that was physical reproduction. I'm not a physical person; I've never excelled or even been talented at physical activity. I've rarely been what I would refer to as "in shape" and physical activity has never once been on my list of fun things to do. My doctor occasionally admonishes me to get myself more exercise, and then brilliantly exclaims -- you just need to find something you think is fun! And is incredulous when I tell her that no form of physical activity -- even yoga, which can be a pretty gentle way to exercise -- has ever been fun for me.

I have the luxury of genetics, I admit. I've always been on the lean side, and I've never had to work for it. I'm very lucky, I know. And I also know that I'll have to start working on it soon, because at this age (not that I'm so old, but still) it's less about aesthetics and more about health. As a young person you are healthy by default; as an older person you have to work at it.

Anyway. I digress. Pregnancy was the first physical thing I had ever done, and it drew me out of my little cerebral world and into realizing I was, in fact, an animal. A mammal. It sounds funny, but in this day and age of technology and industry and crowded cities, it's easy to lose track of the fact that we are just part of nature -- beings that are more closely related to the animals around us than anything that we build and use every day.

This time? This time I'm more struck by the fact that with all this technology and fancy wizardry, that there isn't yet an easier way. I mean, how ridiculous is it that we have this internet and hand-held computers and food that you just have to heat in the microwave for an easy meal (no more hunting and gathering for us!) but yet to reproduce a human you still have to carry it within your body, with all the attendant issues that brings, and still have to PUSH IT OUT OF YOUR BODY??! I mean, honestly. How crazy is that??

And I'll tell you another little secret: last time, I couldn't wait to go into labour. Not just because I'd get a baby out of it, but because I was just fascinated by the ability of my body to just take over and do what it needed to do. I wanted to see what it was like, I wanted to experience that, because I thought it would be incredible to see the power of the birthing process.

It was incredible. But it was also painful, difficult, trying, and extremely tiring. I was in pain for most of a week afterwards and didn't sit comfortably for many more weeks. Don't even ask about going to the bathroom afterwards: a nightmare. And so this time? Labour is the one thing I fear the most. I'm dreading it. Oh, yes, of course, all being well I'll get to meet my little one and that will be a wonderful experience. But unlike last time, I'm not looking forward to the process at all. In fact I'm downright terrified. The only consolation is that I got through it once; I'm pretty sure I'll do so again. But: Ugh. And ugh again. Seriously, why isn't there a better way?