Things I wish I could say

I have avoided taking The Boy to get his hair cut for six months or more. It's not his favourite activity -- he dislikes sitting still, people touching his hair, any kind of even mild restraint of limbs and -- this ones the topper -- HATES having water on his head. Of any kind. So it does seem that growing his hair out really is the best alternative. But I persevere. He's a hot kid, I really don't think that long hair -- which we'd then have to take care of, through, you guessed it, sitting still, touching his hair, and washing it with water -- is really going to improve the situation. 

For the past few haircuts, I took him to a local salon. It's a ladies / family salon, but they aren't keen on little kids. Or at least, they sure as hell aren't enthusiastic when I walk in with him. However, there is a kids salon not far from here with the ride-on chairs, tv, the works. It's twice the price, of course but I thought ... what the heck. Let's give it a try. It can't be worse than the other salons. And what's a little money!

And I made an appointment for today, 10am, first appointment of the day. The Boy is almost always more affable in the mornings, things are less crowded, parking is easier. All great reasons. 

But this morning, despite having slept what I thought was reasonably well, The Boy woke grumpy. Touchy, sad, prone to tears. Rubbing at his eyes at 8:30 and looking sleepy. Honestly my first thought was ... this is a Very Bad Day to go get a haircut. But then again ... when *is* a good day? I can't always wait for a day that he wakes up happy and enthusiastic and well-rested -- you know that'll be a day when I need to go to work, or there won't be any open appointments, or something. So I figure the worst that can happen is that we have to go home, we may as well give it a try. 

The Boy is enthusiastic about the park outside, and about going inside the building, but the salon scores no points whatsoever. He does not want to sit on the horsie, he does not want to sit on the chair. Eventually, with the promise of possible tv shows, I sit on the chair and he consents to sit on my lap, but he does not want a cape, he does not want to be touched. He cringes every time the lady walks by, and whimpers piteously. I comfort him, he relaxes a little. The show comes on. He smiles. I figure we might as well go for it. 

Another woman is there with her two children and her nanny. Her little girl sits on the horsie that The Boy has spurned and is going to get her hair cut too. The woman looks over at me imperiously. "You're going to want to remove his jacket. And his shirt, probably, too." I look at her incredulously. Can she not see that he's already practically in tears? He's clutching his clothing and whimpering. Taking off his shirt is certainly not going to HELP here. 

"He's going to get COVERED in hair," she continues. "And you'll NEVER get it out of his clothes!"

At this I really want to say "No! Really! Is THAT what happens with a hair cut? Because I hadn't THOUGHT ABOUT THAT!" and also "NEVER? Wow, that's too bad that we will have to burn these clothes! Or, wait, perhaps you're DOING IT WRONG because a bath and a clothes washer have always worked pretty well for me!"

And she looks at me again. "I've Been There," she says ominously, and I picture her taking one of those sticky rollers to her children and stripping them bare to remove every last extraneous hair, shrieking in agony because that Hair! Will! Not! Go! Away! I cannot bring myself to get excited over this. We have three cats. It's a miracle we're not ALREADY covered in hair.

I smile politely and say none of these things. I simply say "well, I'm more concerned with getting his hair cut." and turn away back to my child. Who has, once they finally managed to get the DVD player to work, become wreathed in smiles for the shows. 

(Can I just note that perhaps, people who work there, you could learn how to put the shows on? It's not like this is something new for you. I'm pretty sure that you have to work this TV and DVD player pretty much every single day. I have a toddler who is near melting point here, and I think expediency would be GREAT.)

Anyway. She cuts and The Boy squirms and cries a little, and then gets distracted by the tv and starts smiling and laughing, and repeat, repeat, repeat over 30 minutes until we have some semblance of a hair cut. I'm happy enough; I really don't care if it's perfect, I'm more concerned with a.) is it better and b.) is he traumatized (answer: not yet, and considerably less so after we leave the salon, and get on every single ride-on car we can find, and then buy a toy as a nice bribe. GO parenting skills!) He's getting more and more unhappy because the hair keeps going down his neck, and as we turn to leave finally I hear the other mother say, in a very loud voice "It's because he's itchy!" 

Because I'm obviously new at this, both the parenting and the haircutting, and have no idea that hair down the back of your neck can be itchy. I ignore her and go pay for the haircut. I'm happy with the haircut, by the way. The woman was nice, she did her best with a squirming child and she was patient at all times. I couldn't have asked for more. The haircut itself is not perfect, but it's as perfect as you can get when trying to cut a child's hair with the parent in the way and with a child moving around. 

You know, the words were bad enough, but honestly the way she said them was just as bad. First of all, I don't need to be told these things, I can parent my child just fine, thank you. And secondly, that know-it-all tone really just gets my back up. 

I wonder if I shouldn't speak up more. I'm not the type to do this, I am always the turn-the-other-cheek person. But people's words make me angry, and then I come home and stew about it, and think nasty thoughts about HER parenting, judging HER as a mother, and I'm pretty sure that doesn't exactly make me the bigger person here. Oh, sure, I didn't SAY those things, but does that matter? really?

More to the point -- do I want my child to grow up not to be able to say things himself when he wants to? He is already that way, and I wonder if perhaps he gets it from me. It could, I suppose, be an inborn trait, part of being a shy person. But does he learn from watching too, watch me hold in my anger, watch me ignore barbs that I should really have said something about? It's not bitchy to look her calmly in the eye and say "Thanks for your advice, but I think we're going to do it my way." or something similar. I'd like him to know that he can stand up for himself, say what he wants to, defuse a situation and not spend hours thinking about these remarks and then blogging them for all the world to see. 

Not that blogging them isn't good therapy. I'm just saying.