"Oh," I replied. "We won't let her. We won't let her do that to things that are precious to you."
And then another day, looking around his room. "Which toys are Bumblebee's?"
"None of these, Bumblebee's toys are in the basement," I replied. "But I hope you'll share some of them."
A few days ago I wrote a book. On computer paper. With stick figures. It's about the baby, and what will happen when she comes. About how mommy is getting bigger and bigger, and how we're all excited about the baby, and how when the baby is ready to be born, I'll go to the hospital with Daddy and the midwife, and how I will stay there with the baby for a few days. And how then I'll come home and etc. etc.
This afternoon, as we drove home, he was telling me, as he often does, how much he loves me. (Which is wonderful, I admit.) And then he said, "But I might stop loving you. If you go away from me, I might stop loving you."
And I paused. And I said, "If I go away to work, or if I go away when Bumblebee comes?"
"When Bumblebee comes," he said.
I admit I haven't read up on what to do in this situation. So I said, "You know, it's ok to be mad at Mommy about Bumblebee coming."
"Please open my window," he replied.
I guess we're still in denial.
To tell the truth I had a little cry yesterday (now I'm REALLY hormonal) about how I'm going to be changing his life so much. He doesn't realize how much things will change. I won't have as much time to spend with him, to answer his needs, to pay attention to his lego creations. To give him one-on-one, to bond with him. And I feel So Damn Bad about this. I'm turning his world completely upside-down, without any of his consent, and it's going to be hard for him.
And us.
I know this is normal, that every mother feels this way with a second child, possibly with every subsequent child (although I believe the possibility of my experiencing that to be extremely slim, especially given just how uncomfortable I am currently feeling.) And I know that everything does work out. Or at least, it's ok.
But as with every other problem I have in life that I don't know how to solve, I think tomorrow I'm going to go and buy a book about siblings. So that maybe, just maybe, I might be prepared when my son tells me he doesn't love me anymore.
* The name he gave to the baby.
** His favourite cuddly toy.
*** He believes the baby is a girl, but no, we don't know.
1 comment:
Oh :(
Well, yeah, I guess this sort of thing is inevitable. If you're ambivalent about the situation, or have ambivalent moments (and believe me, I SO get that), why should The Boy be any different? It will work out, though. Somehow or other, it will. If I may speak from my own experience as child four years older than younger sibling (who is 32 today OMG), one likely trajectory is that there will be times when The Boy adores Bumblebee, times when he wishes she had never been born, times when he is convinced that he doesn't even belong in this crazy family, times when they are reluctant allies, times when he is mean to her but tries to beat up anyone else who is mean to her, times when he just kind of doesn't notice her existence much, times when they are good friends, times when they hate each other's guts ... yeah, you get the idea. (Sorry, that's totally not a trajectory. I am bad at math. Yes.)
I think it's a good idea to emphasize the positive but not ignore the negative -- yes, it's okay to be mad at Mommy, yes, we will still love you, it's okay not to be 100% happy about this whole sibling thing 100% of the time, no, you don't have to share everything but yes, babies do chew on things... Not that I have any direct experience in parenting more than one kid, or anything. I have heard "I hate you, Mommy!" a couple of times, though. It hurts ... but it wears off, and turns back into "I love you, Mommy!" remarkably soon, so far.
Just to make yourself feel better, this would probably be a good time to remind yourself that at least you won't have two kids in diapers at the same time ;^)
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