waiting

Since the phone call last night, I've sat and stood and laid gingerly, waiting for definitive symptoms to appear. I feel like I'm trying to hold the baby in through force of will. I feel like every time I get vertical I will feel the sudden gush of water breaking. He / she is sitting low, right over my bladder, I can feel her little head moving. I recall this feeling -- I had the same one the day before The Boy was born.

I'm worried.

Not so worried as I would have been ten weeks ago. Or even last week. But worried anyway. 34 weeks is just the beginning of when the baby has the ability to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time, 34 weeks is when the lungs are just barely mature enough to cope on their own. These are the last two important skills a baby needs to come home healthy and avoid extended care in the NICU. But every baby matures at its own pace; maybe my 34 weeker isn't there yet. And so staring down 35 weeks, I am just grasping for three more days. Or just one! Just day by day, I guess. Let's get through today and get to tomorrow and hope for the best.