Now I get it: the guilt.
Our situations are not the same, of course -- at 20 weeks, her son's life was literally hanging in the balance. But this almost makes it worse for me. I'm almost 35 weeks; having the baby now wouldn't be ideal, but it also would result in just a small pre-term baby with a couple minor issues that would be dealt with as the baby just got bigger.
And so when my cat is at death's door (yes, another one. Apparently we're not having a good year for cats) and my partner is stressed to the gills at work and then has to come home and take care of the cat and the child and the house and me, and all the changes mean my four year old is difficult and weepy, I feel freaking awful. And let's not even take into account the fact that I feel like I'm leaving my work colleagues high and dry. I feel guilt about that too. I should just get up and take care of things and be a mom, because this baby will be just plain old fine if it comes now.
And to be honest part of me would kind of like it, because DAMN, things might be easier. It would be easier for me to do stuff, because MY restrictions would all be lifted, and I could participate and do laundry and cope with the kitchen and ... and just deal with a tiny baby.
Sigh.
But here I am, lying on the couch, trying my best to do what I can and keep everyone happy and completely failing at it of course, and trying to shrug off the guilt because it's only a couple weeks and we'll all cope and who cares if the laundry just sits for a short while, we'll get the basics done and it'll be fine.
It'll all be fine, it'll all be worth it. It's all good.
Right?
2 comments:
Yes! It will be worth it. It will all work out.
34 weeks isn't super-premature, but it's early enough that there might be NICU time, and when you're with Bumblebee in the NICU you won't be with The Boy at home, or helping The Man cope with the cat (poor kitty! I'm sorry to hear that) etc., or pulling your weight at work, or any of those things. So reducing the odds of a stay in the NICU is a Very Good Thing.
Not going to say "don't feel guilty", because what would that be but one more thing to feel guilty about? Just trying to present an alternative viewpoint on the situation...
Perhaps The Boy would enjoy learning how to operate the washing machine? (Seriously -- SP loves the washing machine. And if you can read, you can operate a washing machine. Under supervision, of course, when you are four.)
Hang in there! 35 weeks is not 40 weeks, the baby needs more cooking and you're the only one who can give him/her that. I know that means everything else falls to The Man and N is stressing, but you're doing the #1 thing that ONLY you can do for the baby.
Sorry about your kitty :( and sorry about all the guilt, but know that you are doing a GREAT job at what you need to be doing, which is getting that sweet baby a few more days at the very least. (My brother was pre-mature and spent much time in the NICU. It's not a place you want to go if you can avoid it. I was five years old and remember it vividly.)
Hang in there, I'm thinking of you! xoxo
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