Ok, that wasn't even remotely funny.
It's rather disconcerting to walk into the midwife's offices at 36 weeks and meet, for the first time, the partner midwife. I think I mentioned before she'd been off on maternity leave, and is now back. And she's perfectly nice, and I think she's quite competent -- I have enough confidence in the first midwife to know she'll pick a partner who is competent -- but ... still. It's weird to think that I met this woman for the first time today and she may very well deliver my baby next week.
Should that happen.
The midwife experience continues to be a good one, but ... the thing with midwives is that they are very casual. I revelled in this last pregnancy -- after 30 years of obeying the medical world like their word was God, it was a total revelation to realize that I had a choice. And I really loved it. But at the same time, I'd really like one of them to commit to something. You know. Just ... commit. And I know they can't and I know that with pregnancy you can't. You know -- the baby could come this week; it could come five weeks from now. Bedrest might help; it might not. Those feelings you have might mean early delivery; they might not. No, there's no use checking your cervix, because it's rather likely you are dilated, being a second pregnancy and all the activity lately, but you can be dilated for weeks with nothing happening; conversely you can also have a cervix that's closed and go into labour tomorrow. Your water could break before labour this time; it might not, and if it doesn't, you're more likely to go farther in your pregnancy.
The thing is that I know that this is true regardless of your pregnancy, even if you have an obstetrician, but it does seem to me that the obstetrician is far more likely to say "you need to be on bedrest, for sure, the baby will likely come too soon otherwise." As in, they will TELL you what to do. And right now I could sure use someone to make the decisions for me. Part of me is thinking, damn, let's just get this party started, screw this resting thing and part of me thinks -- another week really will help this baby's brain and lungs and fat stores get to the place where there are no complications. And then part of me thinks -- what the hell is the difference? The baby will come when the baby will come and who knows if resting or walking or whatever will make any difference at all???!!
Blech.
Anyway, the good news is that I'm measuring great for dates, the baby is sounding healthy, is head down and back out and to the left, in perfect positioning, I haven't gained any more weight (NO, not that I'm concerned, it's just that it's totally normal for my weight gain to drop off at this point, so I'm just following the textbook pattern which is good because it doesn't indicate any complications from gestational diabetes or preeclampsia or anything.) Baby is moving and reacting to outside stimulus and all is well. I'm experiencing all the things that are normal for pre-labour, but no hard signs of yes baby is coming so it's same old, same old.
Which is good, I know. No complications and no problems and no strange things -- all good.
I'm not complaining. I'm just ... I just am ready for this to be done. That's all.
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