30 Weeks

Another five weeks, another midwife appointment -- this time I'm still measuring right on track in terms of fundal height, but instead of the recommended five pounds, I've gained ten. This would explain the feeling I have of enormity. Midwife is, as ever, unconcerned. "Sometimes you gain a lot in those middle weeks, it'll drop off around week 36." So she says. I think I gained more in the last weeks of the last pregnancy than in the entirety of the beginning; at least then it was mostly water weight.

At this appointment they also palpated me and checked the position of the baby, which was more uncomfortable than I remember from last time. Good baby is head down, back to the left side (which I knew, from the amount of abuse my right side / right ribs have been getting. There must be feet and hands over there!) Of course at 30 weeks the kid can flip right back over again before delivery, but I guess it's a good sign. However, the abuse that my bladder took at both the palpating and my kid not being pleased with same was not pleasant.

Anyway ... not much new. Thirty weeks. My back hurts, sitting hurts, and I'm feeling unpleasantly breathless whenever I lie down, but I'm watching my sugar intake and taking iron supplements and I'm feeling pretty good -- in many ways better than earlier on in this pregnancy. I anticipate this feeling will last another few weeks, five at most, before I start feeling like a whale and this whole thing starts being a lot less fun.

The other morning while lying in bed, The Boy leaned down and touched my belly. "Hi Bumblebee, it's your big brother, [name]. I hope you come out soon!" he whispered, and there lay mommy in a pool of melted goo. I really do need to get on this whole sibling preparation thing -- making sure he understands that mommy will be in the hospital for a night or two, that he'll be home with daddy or his auntie, that the baby won't immediately be able to play with him and that the baby for the first while will cry and poop and sleep and eat and not much else, and the same goes for mommy. I don't know how to do all this, and even if I do, whether it will get through to him. But I guess all I can do is try.

I worry a lot. He and I have a really good, wonderful, close bond. I love that, and I worry a lot about it being damaged and changed when the baby comes. I wonder if I will regret having the baby if my relationship with The Boy is changed too much. I value so much what we have, our closeness, and while I know it will change in time I'd hate to feel like I forced it; that it was my fault.

But I guess I just need to accept that the change is inevitable, that it will come regardless of a sibling or not, and that if I put in the effort, that things will be ok. It's times like this that I am actually kind of glad that we have had four years between them -- I may worry about our relationship, but we've had a good four years of solid bonding, and that won't be undone by a few months of change. (I hope!)

Anyway ... it's the unknown. It is what it is. We'll just have to see how it goes. In about ... ten more weeks.

Yikes.