Getting in all the sugar I can

Apparently I have decided that I must get in all the junk food I can just in case that call comes through from the midwife tomorrow that says ... yep, you tested positive. I've been having ice cream, and chocolate, and today I went down to the local Purdy's (a chocolate / candy store, local chain) and bought chocolate hearts and cinnamon hearts ... almost bought a bag of raspberry jelly hearts too, but stopped myself. Tonight we had some guests (relations from England here for the Games) and I ate cheesecake.

I mean, I don't suppose I will stop eating every tiny ounce of sugar if the test is positive. But I'll know that I should, and that will make all the difference. If I cheat a little, with something low in sugar but higher than it should be, I'll know I shouldn't. Right now I have blissful ignorance. Blissful, blissful ignorance. I eat candy hearts, several of them, shoving them into my mouth with a rapidity that is almost obscene, and not know better.

(well, I know better. It's still not good for you to eat so much chocolate, gestational diabetes or no.)

Still.

I'm praying it won't. I'm praying I passed. I know it's kind of pathetic, but it'll be hard to get through the next three months without the foods I love. I love to eat, and I love certain foods. I look forward to them. I crave them. I reward myself with them. And living without any sugar will really make an impact on my day to day existence.

And yet I know very well, writing this, that three whole months without sugar is not by any kind of metric a hardship. I mean, seriously. It's more pathetic to even voice it, to whine but I'll miiiiissss it.

God, even *I* want to tell myself to Get over it already you total wanker.

So.

So I'm just going to sit here and eat a few more candy hearts. And a bit more cheesecake. And realize that tomorrow it may all be over, that I'll have to be careful. And that I just need to suck it up, for God's sake. It's hardly the worst that could happen.