Two things on my mind

The feminist websites (some of which I read) are today chewing over the fact that an article that was written by someone in her 40s, a single mother by choice, which espoused "settling" instead of holding out for "the one" is being turned into a book. Women should never settle! Don't take on that loser of a boyfriend for life! they shriek.

This tires me. It tires me because they can't realize that both of them have a good message. One, some women DO need to be reminded to compromise. There are plenty of great, decent, kind men out there who have, you know, faults, who are rejected for these faults but would make excellent husbands. Fact is that we all have faults, and if you expect that someone will put up with yours, then you have to get your mind around putting up with someone else's. The trick to marriage, someone very wise once told me, is not so much finding Mr. Perfection, but rather in the long run finding someone whose faults don't make you want to run screaming. Because let me tell you, your habit of leaving your dirty glass in the living room might just drive them bonkers.

On the other hand, please understand that I am not at all advocating for staying with someone who you don't like. Who drives you crazy, who has very different interests from you -- and definitely not with someone who makes you feel bad, doesn't give you the love and attention you need when you need it, or doesn't genuinely respect you. (And I won't even mention not staying with someone who is abusive in any way.) I mean, obviously those are bad choices for marriage.

In the end, here: There are lots of deal breakers for a long term relationship of any kind. You need to know yours and use them. And then realize that when someone comes along with none of those deal breakers but one or two vaguely annoying habits or traits that maybe you should just live with them, as they live with your habits.

This is all assuming that you want a long term relationship / family. If not, disregard everything I said.

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Secondly, and quasi-related to the first, a headline from one of my most-read sites today: "Life, friends, is boring." And I got to thinking ... well, you know, maybe it is. Maybe a good life is kind of dull. Bad lives are never boring. If you ricochet from one crisis to another, life will never be boring. But the day to day life of something without tragedy is .... well, kind of boring. I mean, these days The Man and I work, and come home, and eat, and tidy, and take care of a child. On the weekends it's more of the same, only for longer. There's not much to write about -- the day to day mundanity of life.

But -- and yes, I must be getting old -- I kind of think that's not so bad. I'd take this weekend any day over the ones where I woke up post-divorce not wanting to get out of bed. Or even the university years, which were emotionally fulfilling and fun, but there was just dammit always something I had to do. If I wasn't in class, or working (one year at one of three different jobs), there was always some reading or research or writing I should be doing, which didn't leave much time for me. Which was good, because me time was often filled with the questions of "what am I doing this major for? Will I ever get a job? What will I do with my life? Does that guy like me? Am I flirting right? Am I too drunk?"

Ok, not so much the last one, given a.) I wasn't drunk all that often and b.) clearly no one ever asks themselves that question.

Still. Day to day mundanity? Not such a bad fate in life.

Oh, sure, there's part of me that wishes I was travelling the world and writing about it, experiencing new foods and cultures every minute. But there are drawbacks to that: no permanent home to call my own, no sense of security, and probably no family. And that might not be so great in its own way.

No, what I have now ... it's pretty good. Boring. But pretty good.